i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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