The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
