I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
