one two three fourrrrnication!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
