I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
