We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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