Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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