This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
