guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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