There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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