U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you didnt know i had herpes?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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