Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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