What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
