Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Drunk is not a location!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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