I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
