I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize