The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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