I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
