Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Damn victory sex feels great
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
