Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
