i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
