he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
