And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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