you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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