Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
