They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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