My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
