Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I wear drunk well.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
