I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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