I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
