If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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