Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
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