I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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