Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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