So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
