Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Do you have feelings for this penis?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
