Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
