Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize
