I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
