its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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