I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
