i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
