so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
