I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
