You just made me feel so damn special
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
