You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Two words: blizzard sex
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
