he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
