this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
