tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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