Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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