Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
