YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The best revenge is premature balding
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
