took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
