So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We need to get me chipped asap
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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