Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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