I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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