and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
