i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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