just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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