Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
