I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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