The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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