I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
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every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
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The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Dicks are not precious.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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