So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
