Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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