wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
