matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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