My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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