i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
