we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I deserve this hangover.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
