Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
