my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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