i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
