he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
