bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
