Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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