My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
