Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
