The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize