Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
