You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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