When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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