I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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