I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
