Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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