you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
