I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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