Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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