just come out here and I will go home with you...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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