She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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