I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
