just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
