I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
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You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
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Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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